Listening Rather Than Translating
The following is a post from the blog of a prominent pastor. I’ve debated with myself as to whether to identify him. One thing I try to avoid with this blog is the sniping tit-for-tat atmosphere of the blogosphere. In fact, I agree with his points on several levels. With that in mind, I’ve decided to keep this as anonymous as possible. If you recognize the post please don’t try to make this a divisive thing, ’cause it ain’t and that dog just won’t hunt here. I don’t know this pastor personally and I am making absolutely no accusation toward him. You will “recognize them by their fruit” and from all I’ve seen at a distance is that he’s bearing some great fruit.
In other cases, with which I am personally familiar, I’m noticing a disappointing trend over the last few years. Following this particular pastor’s post are my thoughts on this trend.
Some pastors may be tempted to read my comments and reply, “Yeh, but they started it.” You’ll receive no argument from me there. Yes, they did start it. Frankly, I don’t care. Our command is to love God because He first loved us, not love people because they first loved us. If you’re a pastor and waiting for them to love you first…well, it ain’t gonna happen.
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One of the lessons I’ve learned while being in the ministry for the past 17 years is sometimes what people say isn’t exactly true…things such as…
(WARNING…you will probably only like this post if you are a pastor or a staff member of a church!)
What They Say: “I’m looking for a church that preaches the Word!”
What They Mean: “I’m looking for a church that preaches MY view of the Word. I think the BLANK translation should be used…I think BLANK should be talked about a lot while BLANK should be ignored. And if you ever stop preaching my view of the Word I will leave and tell others that you don’t preach the Word!”
What They Say: “Lot’s of people have been coming to me and saying they don’t like is…”
What They Mean: “I basically only have three friends…and all of them think exactly like me. The other night we were enjoying a time of self righteousness because, after all, we are right about everything…and were also slandering you (in the form of prayer requests) and thought it would be wise to approach you with our pet peeve. We’ve actually talked to no one else about this but said “lots” because we wanted to validate our dysfunction.”
What They Say: “I’m leaving the church.”
What They Mean: “Beg me to stay. If you will just ask me I will share with you several ways you can compromise God’s vision that He’s given you, thus becoming nothing more than a people pleasing pastor who is more interested in popularity than obedience. If you don’t bow to my demands I will remind you that I tithe and that the church needs my money, reducing you to a mere preaching whore…one who is paid for a service for the pleasure of another person.”
What They Say: “I want a church that is more focused on discipleship.”
What They Mean: “I want a church where everyone knows me and how important I am! I don’t want to reach people who are different from me, be it economic class or race or even musical preference. I already know WAY more than I do…but I somehow equate spirituality with knowledge rather than application and I rather enjoy feeling intellectually superior to those who don’t know as much as me.”
What They Say: “Don’t take this personally…but…”
What They Mean: “I am about to lower the BOOM on you…but you can’t get angry because I told you not to take it personally. Even though you have dedicated your life to this and pretty much invest every ounce of energy you have to this cause…and I think about it once or twice a week…you need to receive my attacks, even when they are personal…and you cannot retaliate because, remember, it’s not personal.”
OKAY, that was fun! I typed it all with a smile. Trust me…I’m not mad or frustrated with anyone…I just thought a pastor or two MIGHT get a smile out of this. 
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I’ve gotta say that I’m not smiling. As a pastor, my heart hurts. In WCN’s ministry consultation with pastors I’m noticing an increase in a “circle the wagons” attitude that is developing among pastors. As I listen to them share frustration with certain elements of their specific ministry I make it a point to ask them why they think the situation (lack of personal evangelism, engagement in worship, etc.) exists. Inevitably, they lay the onus to “get it” on the congregation. “If they just…” seems to be the phrase of choice. In some cases pastors seem downright paranoid and adversarial toward the congregation. With that, not everything disgruntled congregants say needs to be translated. Sometimes they actually say what they mean. Other times it needs to be translated from the language of being hurt.
By the way, isn’t it fascinating that this post required a warning that could be translated by an emotionally hurt congregant as “the average member of a church doesn’t have the leadership perspective we have, so they probably won’t get it.” Yes, those are actually words I heard spoken by the pastor of a mega-church where I served on staff.
Of course, as I write this I realize that I am setting myself up as an example of at least 3, and as many as 5, of the classifications. But, a more accurate translation would be, “I really hope that love does, in fact, cover over a multitude of sins, because I’m really making myself vulnerable here by appearing to disagree with a Christian leader much more prominent than myself and that my intention of iron sharpening iron is accepted and understood.”
As someone who used to be on the inside, i.e. the pastoral role, I understand the defensive mechanisms that are developed by pastors to protect themselves. I used to advocate many of them (including those specifics above). However, after being unceremoniously “kicked to the curb” by some prominent church leaders (not the one who wrote the post) I have to say I understand, and have much more compassion for, those that some pastors think have ulterior motives or hidden meaning. Just like many congregants have “roast pastor” for Sunday dinner, I’ve attended church staff meetings where flamed “EGR” was the featured entre’.
I’m afraid that too many pastors can only lead those that agree with them and have been deemed successful because they have found thousands of like minded individuals to join their congregations. In my opinion, that’s not leadership. It’s an accidental parade. Real leaders can lead diversity. Alas, to my disappointment, John Maxwell didn’t use my suggestion for his current book, “Loving the Unlovable and Leading the Unleadable.”
Not everyone who disagrees with the pastor, brings an idea from another church, doesn’t speak the Shibboleth, etc. needs to be told “get thee behind me, Satan.” When God brings a person to a church their baggage (experiences, passions, personality, hurts) comes with them. I would suggest that this fact hasn’t surprised God in the least and that in fact He may have intended it. In a strange twist of irony, one of the greatest lessons I learned at the specific church that “kicked me to the curb” is that “hurting people , hurt people.” So, when that “annoying” congregant from another church hurts “your” church (that’s a completely different subject) it is most likely because they are hurting. Consider it an honor that God would bring such hurting “sheeple” to your wide-open place and trust you with their healing.
Please allow me to offer some alternative translations to those listed above. These are from the perspective of one who has been hurt. They come from several years of listening to those people that churches have dismissed as “un-whatever.”
“I’m looking for a church that preaches the Word!”
Translation: “I’ve got some theological baggage I’m working through. I’m not sure I know your Shibboleth and I probably don’t know that I don’t know. It would be great if this is a church where people love me even when I don’t use the right terminology.”
“Lots of people have been coming to me and saying…”
Translation: “I’ve seen the patronizing, condescending ridicule thrown at people who have disagreed with leadership in the past and I’m too vulnerable to put myself out there like that, so I’ll hide behind some ‘straw-men.’”
Alt. Translation: “There really are a lot of people coming to me, but they’ve all been hurt before and I’m the only one naive enough to try to live out Matthew 18:15 around here.”
“I want a church that is more focused on discipleship”
Translation: “Wow, Barna was right. There really is a huge disconnect between what pastors think the spiritual health of the congregation is and what the average congregant experiences.”
“Don’t take this personally, but…”
Translation: “Hurting people, hurt people. I’m not really attacking you, I’m just really hurting right now and you’re in my line of fire. Just like Jesus said, ‘They will treat you this way because of Me…’ I might not know this, but I kind of hope you, as pastor, do.” (By the way, yes, I do know that it goes on to identify them as the ones that, “…do not know the One who sent me.” Someone unsaved in church deserves just as much ‘loving into the Kingdom’ as one on the outside.)
Alt. translation: “Even though I don’t know it, I’m desperately looking for a pastor that lives out what he preaches about loving people. Are you him? I wonder if you actually read The Beatitudes…in particular v. 11-12. I feel pretty unlovable, but have never met anyone that loves me enough to help me get out of my own way. Will you love me inspite of myself.”
Finally, yes, some sheep really do need an ocassional “dope-slap.” (My word to congregations is, “Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy…” Are you making your leaders’ work a joy?) Unfortunately, there seems to be a trend toward that being the first pastoral option, rather than the last.
Aren’t we grateful that God doesn’t treat us pastors as we too often treat those He’s given us to feed, regardless of how they treat us.
P.S. Sorry to drop this during Pastor Appreciation Month. I write ‘em as they come to me.